Strength Renewed

00:18
I'm themed on everything else. You know, and, and in fact, Cam and I, and we're, we're recording right now. So Cam and I, Cam, the integrator. Yeah. He is, um, he has a couple of podcasts and he's, he and I started a podcast. Well, he started a podcast. He said, come and do it with me. And then he sort of stopped it and now he's wanting to get back on it. But literally it is us just talking. And I don't know about you Jess, but I feel like sometimes, I mean, sometimes

00:48
a topic will be like, let's talk about this, this is really important. But sometimes it'll be like, you know what, I am up against it with work and with getting stuff done before I head down to the Queen's town where I will not have my computer with me for seven days. So I've realized I've got a whole bunch of stuff to do. So I haven't had the real estate in my brain to be as organized as I would I might otherwise. But also I possibly rely on the fact that you're amazing.

01:16
and you can always bring it. And so I know that I only have to be 50% because you're 50% and together we make 100. Have you heard of Mel Robbins talk about that by the way? No, I've heard of Mel Robbins talk about everything besides that. I was thinking about the let them theory. I was actually gonna talk to you about that. But it's funny that you brought Mel Robbins in. Not only are we a good 50-50 like popsicle but we do tend to have a bit of the mind read going on. Even though we are like, like it's funny because I'm like

01:45
That's interesting that you went there because I was going to go there too, but go ahead and talk to me about the 50-50. Well, she discusses sort of, you know, in relationships, you can't always expect your partner to show up 100%. Yes, that's right. Yeah. And so she's like, can't, and I may have this slightly wrong, but I'm pretty sure she's like, you guys just have to be 100. Like, can you be 100? Like if he's 50%, can you come in and sort of make up for where he or she is, you know.

02:15
feeling lacking in energy or et cetera. So I sort of feel like we are good at propping each other up, but also get a little bit of a boost afterwards. So I'll leave our conversation, I'll be like, that was awesome. Got it done, really enjoyed it. And I feel like I've got like an hour of productive work ahead of me. Whereas if I don't have this sort of influx of energy, it's more like, oh my goodness, I have to drag my feet for another hour.

02:43
doing this, you know, like just your whole mindset is different. It is, and it's super important. I always go back to this because it's like your strength, your embodiment of like building muscle and, but literally you're, I always think for all the ways that you eat in nutritionally, keep yourself sane, like with protein and with strength training and with minerals and all the right vitamins, you really can't forget, like, how do you build

03:09
the like muscle of your brain, how do you actually build it up so that you don't go in to fight or flight or you don't go into like scarcity abundant mode constantly or like, you forget that the synergistic effect of another person is really powerful to your health. And so it may not, you know, I always, we were talking earlier, like, I have so much that I want to talk to you about and I have so much that I want to give to our

03:36
like, you know, community and people around us and, you know, that are listening because we just, we have so much to give. But I also think there's real power in just kind of like, you know, being present and how do you engage this muscle, right? How do you actually like strengthen it? Cause we're like, we're literally packing up our protein and like little glass containers with steak and chicken and all this shit. But we're kind of like forgetting maybe a little bit of like what

04:04
jazzes you up after you eat that. Because once you've eaten that and you feel satiated, your stomach feels full, there's still kind of an emptiness that we all feel that just is a little bit missing. And I know that that comes from work. It comes from like literally building connection to somebody who sees you, who allows space for you to like process or talk about the things that you kind of light you up.

04:33
or that don't let you up. Both work. And I love actually that you bring up that scarcity and abundant mindset, which is what we were talking about before sort of jumping on. And like we all have it in areas of our lives and in areas of our work. Like you said to me before we jumped on that, oh, Miki, you're very good with that. We didn't call it scarcity and abundant mindset, but just the not dwelling on sort of, I don't know, whatever. And I don't know that I'm

05:04
I don't know I'm any different from anyone else actually. I feel like I've got more of an abundant mindset than maybe I used to have. So I'm definitely better than what I was, but I don't think I'm better than anyone else. But I do think so. Well, I'm just curious when you have a day and not like things aren't going well, because that's sort of like trite. But I mean like, where there's just kind of moments where people aren't connecting with you or responding or, you know.

05:34
some clients just are going different directions or whatever, whatever, whatever, who knows. What is the narrative that you say to yourself? Like, what do you say? Because clearly we can linger in that space for a minute. And I'm not saying that I'm telling you all that we shouldn't be there. I'm just suggesting like, what is the narrative to help you like, pull yourself into a different space when that does occur to you? You must say something or do something. What are your...

06:03
Yeah. What are your habits? I don't think we're different. I just think we're sort of further, I might just have other things to, other levers to pull maybe, but let's say, like I get six, I have six client hours a week. And for the most part, they are full. I mean, people cancel and reschedule and sometimes I'm like, well, that person literally cancelled within that cancellation sort of, or outside of the cancellation window. And now I don't have a client in there that could have.

06:32
build that space. So that's right. That's right. That's slightly annoying. But I do, I am, I feel like now and look, this changes depending on how tired I am. And maybe if I'm injured or not, you know, like a lot of other things have to be sort of going well for me to go, that's okay, because I will spend this next hour getting this other thing done for this other person or preparing for this podcast or writing this blog. So I, I

07:03
will always find something to sort of fill that space. But I do feel like I've worked my way to more of an abundant mindset than a scarcity mindset, which I, because it used to worry me when I had more client hours that were difficult to fill. And I would have a lot of empty spaces, particularly like there are just times of the year where it's just slower. Like people don't tend to care much about bikini bodies in April, for example. So they're not.

07:32
They're not signing in, or sorry, signing up. So I feel like my changing business has sort of changed my mindset. Plus also just all the stuff that we engage in, like the Mel Robbins podcast, like the work with Jill, like actually having communication with my dear friends and my business friends about them also having similar experiences. So suddenly I'm not this sort of unicorn that...

08:01
is the only one that ever has any problems. It's just part of what we do. You almost have to roll with it. I also remember Jess that business is super important, but it's not the most important thing. I know that Barry came home that day and he'll be able to virtually high five each other, give each other a cuddle, and he'll still make me a cup of tea maybe.

08:30
that matters. But I do have to talk if I'm in that scarcity mindset, I have to do a bit of self talk to get myself out of it. What do you say? Exactly what I've just said. Barry's going to be home. It doesn't actually matter. That's the thing. So I thought there was a yes. No, no, no. It's both. And that is good. Yeah, it's both actually. It's just like my reminding. But also, I jump on an exocycle too sometimes. I'm like, cool, I'll just.

08:57
And that helps calm my nervous system for me. So I enjoy doing that stuff. But I do think you need to have space to dwell a little bit, but there has to be a point in time where you just, for me, where I'm like, right, I just can't dwell anymore and I have to move on because it's just not helpful. And maybe it's like putting a little thing in your calendar. Did we talk about this last time? No, but we put everything else in our calendar so we can put a place to like.

09:25
to help us regulate our nervous system. Yes. What is the thing you put in the calendar? Yeah, like, right, I'm going to spend the next couple of hours just really dwelling on this annoying, like this thing that's, you know, grinding my gears right now and then I'm going to move on.

09:43
I think that's wise, bringing it back to Mel Robbins. And I think actually, Brene Brown said that too, in one of her podcasts, where it's in relationships where, today I'm 60, and so then the partner yells out, great, I'll be 40. You know, it's right to kind of meet you in that space, but when you're working sometimes, or you're parenting and you're all the things, there's nobody out, you're kind of like,

10:12
At 70, nobody answers back. No, no, no. I got you on 30. You know, you're like, oh shit. You just have to take- So you have to kind of find the 30 somewhere. Well, actually- You know what I mean, wherever that bear is. Have we even got it right? Because then between two people, you're only 100. Like, have I got that really quite wrong? Jess, you can- No, you don't have it wrong. They used 100. Now, I don't care. You wanna fucking use 200, 300 be my guess. But for math purposes, I'm gonna stick with 100. Okay, that's good. Well, Jess, if that ever happens to you, you just have to-

10:42
Just watch at me. I'm 17 and like, cool, I'll be your 30. Wonderful, so this is exactly why. This is perfect. Find a person who can be your deficit, right? You gotta bring something, but then find the person to be your deficit because when you're in those moments of scarcity, scarcity and abundant mindsets, I think you tend to just be so consumed in.

11:07
you know, the scarcity part and the abundant, the abundance is deficit, right? The abundance is like how you're going to get out of that rumination cycle. And the other thing, like most things, but one thing that Mel Robbins and I and I will have to get her book because half the world is getting it right now with the let them concept. But one thing that's a very powerful point, she did a ton of research, but the concept is very simple is that if people are going to do decisions that

11:35
are outside of your control, you have to let them. You literally have to go, oh, you're gonna be bikini ready in six months instead of doing the program now? Great, let them, we'll see you in six months. Like it's at some point, it's just putting a period next to it. Okay, great, let them. It's simple, but it's something that I could continue to work on in a repetitive place. The other thing that I do,

12:04
It's a good reminder what you said is like, will I still be able to like have coffee with my spouse, you know, in the morning? Will I still, you know, because these things are also like very centering to the bigger picture of why we do what we do. Yeah. But I think that the narrative for me is always been time. So whatever something isn't going to give you that will allow space and time hopefully for.

12:32
something that will be richer and perhaps more warning for you psychologically. I always say that the universe is not accidental. I'm a religious and a spiritual person, so I'm bold. But I do really think that there is no accidental energy, there's no accidental things. I agree. It's not accidental. Okay. And then I think what is required is our...

12:59
I don't want to say logical brain because some of them will come on spirituality and religion isn't logical. But when we notice ourselves just staying in that rumination of scarcity mindset, we almost need something to overcome that. Just that, there is no accidental energy that is perfect. And it is so true. And I am with you. I am not religious, but I do feel like I'm spiritual. And I 100% agree with that.

13:28
everything happens for a reason. And for your clinical brains out there on your non-emotional, remember that when you're in that state too long, it's very inflammatory. So it revs up all of these parts of our body that create inflammation. And so I think about when I'm in that state, it's like me consuming a whole lot of chocolate squares.

13:56
like quack, you know what I mean? Without stopping, you know, to look at how many I just ate, I'm just like consuming. And it's really, really tough on my body. And it's just, it's like, I have to remember this is causing inflammation when I do this to myself. Yeah. Doesn't mean that I'm fixing it or it's easy, but I think if people can hear this, I would hope that they would walk away with going, okay.

14:25
It's inflammatory, literally, when I'm like causing such a strong reaction. I'm in a scarcity mindset, meaning I'm not going to be productive here. Energy is not accidental. So whatever is happening, there's some purpose for it. I'll still be able to have coffee with my partner, tea and a biscuit. And, you know, it can continually define that.

14:52
person or partner when you can, you've got a Mickey and adjust there somewhere. Like shout out what you need. You know, I'm going to start doing that to you and be like, I'm, I'm having a 60 day today. Yeah. And you're going to go cool. I can bring the 40. What is it that would bring the 40? A hundred, a hundred percent. And don't you love that? Like, because I feel like, because it's easy. I can, I can do that. It's like an easy, straightforward thing. And that will help calm my nervous system. And it'll get me out of inflammatory. It totally will. And it will also like adjust.

15:22
And there'll be people that you do that you know that will bring your 40. And I think even knowing that, like, oh, you guys have my back. Like that's that to me, I feel calmer saying that going, I could do that to Jess, I could send her a text. And I mean, you might respond about five hours later, but I know that that you'll get there eventually. If you if you tell me that you're today's the 40 day, I need you, sister.

15:50
And could be that the things that are coming in and out of my life allow me to respond. That's you know, right? Like we call us fate is fate. But I think that's the thing. It's time. Yeah. So you're now you're just reallocating your time. So it's but it's this is like processing because it's it is not.

16:12
it's not an easy thing, but I think we have to spend a little bit more time in this zone of genius, if you will, because when you can think about it, then you're not, you know, everybody just wants to like focus on, you know, I always say the bottom down, but like, you got to eat your protein. And you also have to have the people that are going to provide you with the help when you're at a deficit, which we are, I think, quite often. I agree. But you know.

16:41
I think that you tend, my original question for you, and you answered it, but you tend to, the thing happens, whatever that is, that maybe is challenging for you, Mix, but you tend to, and this could be your upbringing, but you tend to kind of move, like let's go on to the next thing. I don't see you sitting in it, that's the difference. And there are, and I know I have friends that are more oriented around your kind of spirit.

17:11
I'm a reformed person who spends too much time in that place. So I'm working to spend less. It's just harder for me. So that's why I thought I think to yourself like, what is it that she does that she just like moves on to the next like, okay, we're good. Like I'm done here, I need to go here now. So it's probably not even that, I don't know. It's probably not even something that you're that even conscious of. I never used to be that. I used to always sit in that space.

17:40
And then you did. Yeah. But it was so unhelpful. Like I just recognize how unhelpful it was. And so I'm like, I know, you know, I actually need to do work here. So I have a question, slight tangent. Did you think Mel needed to write a book? That's really funny. I know. I mean, I don't know, just let them. I have it. I mean, like seriously. And I'm like.

18:06
She must have, I don't even know. I'm gonna probably get it because I am curious to know how many people she's literally spoken with to like get to the bottom of this concept. Cause I'm sure it's exactly what we're talking about. She probably took a lot of these themes and tried to figure out, I think it was her own like process of rewiring her own brain, you know, cause that's a real deal, right? Like.

18:34
My one girlfriend and she'll listen to this podcast and appreciate that we're talking about this, but she's going to go do this really fantastic, like it's like eight days where you literally go to rewire your brain. It's kind of amazing. No phones, no access. It's like you got to be in it. She made a good point to me. She's like, look, it's and I respect the hell out of her because I don't know very many people that could do this. But she said,

19:02
We go on vacation, we go to Hawaii or Mexico or whatever, whatever, and we go do a bunch of self-care things, right? We go get massages or facials or, and those are all really nice, but they don't really change. They don't rewire how you think about things or how you respond. They're just like, they basically allow you to feel relaxed and that's great. Don't get me wrong, I love to feel relaxed, but she's right, it doesn't actually like rewire the process. So I think Mel kind of basically,

19:31
needed to do something kind of like, you know, to the depths of all of it. And so she, she just took all of her thought leaders and kind of combined what they were doing into this greater, simple form of let them because you're right, I think at some point, wouldn't I get them just out of it? But her stick is like,

19:53
a lot of repetition, right? She like stays on that thing over and over and over and over and over again and says it again in 10 different ways. I don't think so. Maybe I don't know that a book was necessary, but you know what? I know that you are not going to read it, so I will read it. I might read it. I may actually listen. I probably will read it. I'll probably listen to it when I'm like out. And I would love to listen to how she extends this concept into a full book. So I'm quite curious too. So I might.

20:21
download it as well and listen and see it because I love mail. And I think if you can write a theory, if you can turn a theory into a book, mate, you're a genius. So I'd like to engage with that. I agree. You're a genius. I totally agree. And this is why I think this is important because I think people need to spend a little bit more time. And this kind of ties into this conversation we had about friendship not that long ago. But like.

20:50
when certain people walk into a room, you don't know necessarily that they're going to be your friend, but you do know that there's something about their energy that feels like, I want a little more of that. Like, oh, that's good. That feels good. This is like literally something, I mean, it's like the beginning of our origin story. I remember meeting you and I remember listening to you and talking and you're just like, oh, we really,

21:19
we really hit it off with a person. Energetically, they're just something that kind of feels balancing and you want a little more of that. You wanna kind of like figure out how you can get more of that. And I think that's like anything that we kind of explore where it just resonates for us. But I think people should really think about it. When you're out in the world and you're engaging, I always tell my kid, my children, but try to be memorable. And I don't mean like dancing around and making a bunch of shots at the buzzer and whatever, but like,

21:49
Really, the shit that sets you apart is how you come into a space and what kind of energy you're kind of giving off in that space. And that's really hard, actually. That's not a very, it sounds very simple, but the energy you give off is the thing people remember, like feel. Yeah. People always remember. They want a little more of, you know. What's the saying? People always remember how you made them feel, not necessarily, you know, what you said. What you said.

22:19
Yeah, so true. It's my Angela's words in the best possible way, right? It's like, you know, it's really feeling like you can stop and see somebody, but you can't see somebody unless you're actually actively thinking about the energy that you're giving out and how you are processing situations that might feel scarce to you. So I'm really seen as bigger calling and a bigger job because damn, you know, when shit hits the fan for people.

22:46
they go scarce immediately. I've never seen, I mean, I've studied human behavior now and the work I do for years. And it is like fucking textbook. Yeah, shit hits the fan. They go scarce mode right away. Anything that they were possibly doing that was like fueling them or feeling healthy is off. I want to know why. Love to know why. Love to help people figure that out. I love to figure it out myself. It's not a priority. Like, unfortunately, they don't see it as a priority.

23:14
And that's a whole other conversation, isn't it? But the things that go, the things that they feel like are almost optional without actually realizing the true extent of how.

23:27
important having a trainer is or looking not and actually having someone to check in with like there are so many things that you do for people Jess that go well beyond you know is your plan and let's go through this like I don't know. It's so much more than that is deep yeah it is so I think I am comfortable and uncomfortable with how all of that is but more than anything taking

23:57
I really feel like I want this for myself and I want this for people. I want to understand, like, number one, how to let them. So that's part of Mel's thing, we'll read. And then the other thing is just like, when things are hard, how you can sort of energetically work through them and not hit the scarce mode button immediately and stay in scarce mode button. How do you actually see that for the energetics that it is? Yeah, I know. Which is...

24:26
maybe it's deeper and maybe it's meant to help you and your cortisol levels at some point reduce. But anyways, these are my thoughts, but mostly I'm always interested in what people say to themselves when they're in those moments. What is your conversation that you have with yourself? Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. Because if you go low, and that last thing I'll say, when it's so scarce,

24:53
like wouldn't it be so cool if the narrative was different in those ones? If you actually were talking yourself like, that's great, I'm glad that this person is doing whatever they need to do, that's going to leave me more room to work on this or to do this or to see this project up and off the ground or to text Mickey back in under five hours. I know. Honestly, these are all the benefits of having shifting clients. Actually, maybe you won't be going balls to the wall.

25:22
18 hours a day to fit everyone in is another way to look at it. It's actually incredible. My time is so precious, so is yours. And I want to be continuing to work on our projects because there's so many that you and I have because you are my deficit and I am yours. And if you find the people that know where to go and know how to help you there, sky is the limit with what you can do with them. So you know, it's pretty powerful. So I'm glad that.

25:52
that we can be there for each other and help the people that we do. I think it's pretty great. I totally agree, Jess. And do you know what I'm grateful for actually today? Oh, you went there before I even asked. I know. Tell me. Actually, I am grateful that we had the conversation about Mel Robbins because now I've made the commitment to read her book. And you sort of explained a little bit more. I'm quite excited to see where she goes with it because

26:20
maybe you can write an entire book on it. So I'm grateful we had that conversation about that. So I've got, I mean, it's a small thing, but yeah. Who knows? They're all small things, newsflash again. Actually. Appets are only created with the repetition of the small things. Yeah, yeah. So it's just learning how to like categorize them and put them there. I am grateful for this conversation that is a reminder to like swim instead of sink in scarcity.

26:49
Right? Like, like swim in it, right? You don't need to, you don't need to let it be something that it's not. And to also alongside you read Mel's book together. Let them, because it's pretty free when someone, you just let somebody do what they're going to do and realize it has nothing to do with you. Yes. And to continue to find the people that are your deficit. Yeah. So if you're 70, look for that 30 person because they're there and they will show up and they will do it with.

27:18
you know, with love and grace and appreciation. It's not easy to find you. And very, very, very good luck as you embark on your monster adventure run here. I can't wait to chicken with you and that you know all about it. I can't wait. I'm very excited to be on the road with you at some point, see how you're doing out there, girl. Nice one. Thanks, Jess. Bye.