Strength Renewed

00:19
It's open. It's open really. I don't really, you know, I've come happy, happy, let's see, today is Sunday and it is whatever day it is for you because I can never remember. It's Monday. Monday. It's Monday for you. It's always, always in the future. It's always in the future. Yeah. Am I like your past? Yes. And it's kind of, right, we're sort of like this great balance. We're...

00:47
Mickey, Yin and Yang, and we're also Mickey and Jess, you know, past and future a bit, which is good. That is so you and I were you and I literally just were talking because we do because everything that we talk about is related to health in some way, but they're not always these like, you know, perfectly curated tips to improve and increase your protein. And we're not going to

01:16
measure your certain biomarkers or what particular strength moves are best for your arms or best for your legs. I actually think and you and I have talked about this a lot, especially this time of year that a lot of this time of year sort of is forever till the end of time. So whether you are like 10, 20, 30, 40, 60, 70, 80, you are programmed to believe because of society that this is the most wonderful time of year.

01:43
you know, it's a nice time of year. It's lovely and not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but it's also a really challenging time of year for people. And I think, unfortunately, you just experienced loss of one of your dearest friends. And I, this is the anniversary of the loss of my dad, and which he you know, he passed on on on the 24th of Christmas Eve,

02:12
just to say our health suffers a bit during this time, our emotional health. And I think it's important to kind of know some things that you can do to ground yourself during times of real heartache, truly. Yeah. And you know, Jess, it feels like just the older we get. I'm really sorry for your loss though, Miki. That's great. Yeah, for sure. Thank you. It feels like it's a...

02:41
The older you get, the more you're surrounded by loss, you know? And it's an expected part of us being on this earth and, you know, just being human. But it doesn't, it's not an easy thing to, obviously it's not easy to experience. It's not easy to talk about. I don't think people love talking about it and we can feel awkward about it as well. You know, how to talk to someone who has lost someone.

03:09
That's right. That's right. You don't even know if you can find the words to sort of yes, so a lot of people hold that emotion inside of them. And as as you so rightly said, it's absolutely related to our health, because it's you know, your emotional health affects your physical health and the relationships about around you and you know, all of those things. They do. And I think that some things that I've done

03:37
Sometimes, you know, social media can be kind of a wonderful thing because you can post videos and I've posted one about my dad yesterday and him dancing with my daughter because that's just kind of what we did. So you know, I say this, you know, dancing is cathartic, like things that are like untraditional ways to deal with your health, right? Things you're not necessarily going to think about. So for my dad, it was, we moved a lot, we danced. I mean, both of us are the worst dancers in the universe.

04:06
we would just kind of get up in the kitchen and night, 100% of the time it was James Taylor. So that's been, as my family now calls it, James Taylor therapy. So, you know, there's a certain cathartic-ness to hear that voice. It's almost like, you know, your friend, I'm not sure the things that she enjoyed or what was the anchor to your relationship, but I think whatever kind of anchored you to them when they were living can anchor you to them in their death, right? So,

04:36
Um, so I think about that a lot. I think about what can I do to anchor? So, so I dance, um, we, we play music. I, I post a lot about them. You know what I mean? I'm just kind of like to know me is to know that I love kettlebells and strength and protein and James Taylor and my family and a lot of my dad. You know, he's just a very big part of, of my story. Not only my origin story helped me bring in the world, but he's literally like my story. So, so I do those things.

05:05
And then I just talk about him incessantly, like stories for days. So like, you know, you and I, although I feel like I've been your friend forever, you know, there's a lot you know about him because ever since we started becoming friends, I've talked to you about him. So I really think people should do more sharing of our own stories, our own personal stories and the stories of them because that's how we continue their legacy.

05:31
So it doesn't have to end, right? Like their story doesn't end right now. And the healing is so cathartic when we do that. Not afraid to share. I mean, I share stories of my dad with anybody. Yeah. You know, cool, listen, really. What I find so interesting is the whole process of brief is just not linear either. No, it's not and it lasts forever. And it's so unexpected as well. You know, like it's in terms of how, like, I don't know what people expect. You know, if I think about people who have lost

06:00
people very, very close to them and then they get like two weeks bereavement leave and then you're, you know, you're back to normal, you know, like, or you're back to sort of normal life and you've got to learn to live without that person. And that's, that's right. It must be so difficult. Like I've never, I'm lucky in that to this point, I haven't lost a parent the way that you have. Which is, there's no hierarchy of loss, you know, losing a parent is gut wrenching.

06:28
losing a dear friend like you just most recently did is gut wrenching. So the hierarchy isn't there nor is the length of time and fuck it for the people and anybody else who tells you like that, you know, they don't, they don't want to hear it or they roll their eyes or like, Oh, there she goes again. You know, I mean, of course there's like, I sometimes will get sheepish if I feel like, and now I'm not anymore. Now I'm just like, you know what, if

06:54
if this is I literally I have to it's like the it's a cortisol to some degree. I think if grief stays in your body too long, without having places to, you know, get it out, it's difficult, right? It's just going to kind of feel like it's going to make you feel like you're going to implode or something, right? It's in your nervous system. It's in your nervous system. Yes. So I feel like if people can look at this and think about it from this conversation, I would say, you know,

07:21
do the things that anchor you to the relationship with them, right? Keep doing those things and make them profound mini habits in your life. And then this is completely left field but I just because we can. I like, I like literally started doing these like, I'm not a big cold plunge person. Okay, I try I like the heat better. I just do. But you know what I've been doing is first thing in the morning.

07:49
I've been cold plunging my face. It's really a good reset for my nervous. I'm like, so I get a big bowl, and I stuff it with ice water, stick my face in there, 10 or 15 seconds, come up for air three times. And it, things that felt a little bit like out of whack, feel a little bit more in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in,

08:18
The other side of that though, right, is that there'll be people who have lost people and they don't have that relationship. And in fact, what they might feel is if they think about it, they might feel guilt for not feeling the grief that they feel they should feel that is expected of them. And isn't that interesting as well? Like I... Such a good point, Miki. Yeah. And I, this is the thing with the, like you cannot predict how you're going to feel, when you're going to feel it.

08:47
And then how, you know, and there's no right or wrong. I think that's the other thing as well. Like you can have like a really great relationship with someone and they pass or say a parent or, you know, a sibling and they pass. And it's not that anything was wrong with the relationship, but there is this element of, you know, people expect you to feel a certain way and you might not, isn't it? Yeah.

09:13
Yeah, I think that is I think you're totally right. I think that I think I love the real life nature of podcasting because it's like I feel knee deep in the grief of the profound loss of your friend and loss of my dad and my children are currently up on the counter with a bowl of Nutella and half a bag of marshmallows, which is probably another way to console yourself.

09:40
Yes. But do you know what? You were talking about, you just said, what are some non-traditional ways? And this isn't a non- Yeah, I am. I'm not saying go get knee deep in Nutella and marshmallows, but maybe you can have one or something. I mean, I questioned the Nutella to be honest, but I do love a marshmallow. I do love a marshmallow, if I'm honest. Journaling, journaling and grounding. Wonderful way.

10:09
And in fact, there is good research around grounding and getting out in nature. And I'm sure that we've talked about this before. We have, yep. Yeah, and I think again, it's because of the effects on your nervous system. So regardless of the emotions you're feeling, it's impactful to be able to, you know, connect with nature and sort of just help center a little bit. And I think that's something which is often missed in this industrial world we live in. I think we have.

10:39
I think if people can pause on this for a moment, and I think if they can take this sort of like mini discussion about something quite big, which I feel like I have a lot of follow-ups for this. But if tonight or tomorrow, they hear this and they come away with, number one, there's no life cycle to it. Number two, there's, please pick the people that allow you to share and speak about your parent as though you could.

11:08
talk about it forever or your friend, right? Let's find those people, because they're not, and that's not everybody, I've certainly experienced that. Journal, I think there's tons of evidence to that, to just have like the thoughts written so you can return back to them like lyrics in a song. Do the things that anchor you to that relationship. I love that one. Whatever they are, right? And maybe try things like ice cold, you know what I mean? Yeah. Facial plunges and things like,

11:38
you know, and then, and then nature, right? And then out, because I really think that, that the grief, releasing the cortisol of grief per se, I think is really different. So I think if people look at like, you know, like a tumor or something of grief, it needs a lot of ways to release itself. So I think like these are five or six, but I think I would love for people to practice.

12:06
And I would add one more. I would add one more. And this one I think is huge. Two things, maybe to reach out to people. Like call them, like fucking call. And I guess, or text if that's, if really calling is debilitating for you. And you most likely, newsflash, aren't gonna get them anyway. I always laugh, I call everybody, no one ever answers. I get their voicemail. But at least they listen to their voicemail. But I would encourage people to do

12:36
this as a practice for one week. The things we just said, call two people every day. Oh, wow. Two people. I know. For one week, call two people every day. Just leave two messages for one week. I'm not saying a lifetime. Just see how your body feels. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Although, if I knew that I was getting calls from two people in a day, my body would feel more anxious in a little bit. So, you're not saying that people have to answer. And you know what I often do, God forbid if they do, this is what I do.

13:06
I'll practice for you guys since this is like an old school new school thing. Yeah. Ring, ring, ring. You answer, hi Mickey, it's Jess. You say, hi Jess. I don't have a lot of time. I just wanted you to know that tonight be something. I was just thinking about you and I wanted to tell you that. I just wanted to get on the phone and just let you know that when I talk to you, which is really easy to do because actually this is like real life here. When I'm with you, I feel better. I feel happy. So.

13:34
I just wanted you to know I was driving along today. I had this thought of you. I'm running into the store right now. Just wanted to let you know. I'm looking at our clock right there. This took seven seconds. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Do you know what? That is so, such a different experience from what you expect to happen when someone calls you. You know, like when someone calls you, like, how are they even calling me? No, wait, do they, do these people not even work? Like, what are they doing? What do they expect from me? This is exactly it, right? Yeah. And all these things, and what do they want from me?

14:02
What do they need from me? Right? So then that's why you're feeling anxious. But I think if we remove that, and we shed ourselves of this, then we have this kind of beautiful, more cathartic experience that is actually healing, which helps release a lot of that, the tumor of grief. Yeah, 100%. That is so funny because do you know, my phone is 24 seven on Do Not Disturb.

14:31
I just like, and this was from a girl that used to buy ringtones and now I'm always on silent. I actually just love that about you. I see every single time I talk to you, I get a new Mickeyism. What was your favorite ringtone? I just need to know that. Well, I think I'm like, I've got guns and roses on at the moment.

14:52
Okay, you're wonderful. If nothing else, then I can maybe maybe I can have like my own special ringtone. We can go back to that. Oh, I might do that. Actually, I mean, I'll never call you. I'll never hear it. I'll never hear it because I never have an honor on on anything other than it's actually it's a real pain when I lose my phone. I'm like, where's my phone? Like, but but if you call often enough, you could probably bypass my do not disturb because I've got I know I'm thinking I'm going to start figuring out how to do that. I'm also going to like

15:20
remind people to just for like one week I'm doing this experiment, can you please take your phone off? Do not disturb list. You may be one of the ones I'm calling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just in case. Just in case. What I will, do you know what? You were so great, Jace, actually, because you had such, these are such great tips. And I think probably they're great tips from some, I mean, your, how long has it been since your dad has passed? I mean, I could tell you it's been four years, 11 months, two weeks, 22 seconds. No, I mean,

15:50
The reality is we're a couple weeks shy of his fifth anniversary, so four years and 11 and a half months. So you've had a lot of time. That's how I feel. I literally know the days, I know the moments. I know. I mean, I'm a grief expert. But I'm also just, you know, he taught me how to love. I mean, we talked about this, like, my anchor is that with all of his foibles, because he had so many, because he was...

16:15
totally flawed like we all are. But he just loved me so big. I mean, so I'm just not afraid to love people. I'm not afraid to tell people how I feel. I am afraid to do back end things for my business, marketing shit, you know what I'm saying? However, he's what I'm doing. I know, I know. So proud, so proud. I know, I'm doing the thing and as comfortable as it is, but loving people and telling them how I feel about them and just putting myself

16:45
bravely in spaces. Because because when I do that, Mickey, I also not only run the risk of being rejected, I do, you know, something that I'm not I'm not feeling your love. Right? That's okay. But then I also recognize for the ones that don't reject me, it's huge. Yeah, you know, I mean, I'll just keep going back to Mickey love. But like, I mean, look what like, we met, I loved you. I thought you were so great with connected and here we are doing amazing things with our podcast. So I you just kind of put yourself there and he gave me that permission.

17:14
So I really feel like it's my honor, like you with your friends, like we are going to do what we can to continue their space in the world. So everybody knows them long after they're not here. Do you know, Jess, I feel like you're really evolved in how you talk about your feelings and just in feelings in general, actually. Like, I feel that the way that you talk about it is actually, it's just more open and more vulnerable. And you've really like, there's just something about the way you do it,

17:43
I love listening and hearing it helps me. And I know that these kinds of conversations help other people as well. Well, that is what you, I'm so glad. I feel the exact same way. I feel like being with you feels like so safe and so wonderful. And I think we have so much to share. And ultimately our mission is to just allow people the space to be able to feel what they need to feel and to understand that feeling or to explore it deeper. So.

18:12
I'm glad that we had an opportunity to kind of touch on this today. And I will head out when we're done here and clean up the marshmallows that are everywhere. I'm surprised you don't like Nutella though. The next podcast, I would like to know what you're like. It's beer. I know it's always beer, but there must be something else that you go to when the going gets rough. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. There are plenty. Like I am certainly, I have my things. But we can.

18:42
I think that'd be a great, actually a nice light conversation. That's a really good one. Grief part two. Yeah. Or life or living, you know. Or living part two. Yeah, love it. Wow. And then of course, the final thing is I always root myself in a place of gratitude. So I will ask you on this Monday and my Sunday, what are you grateful for today, Miki? I'm just grateful to have people like you in my life and the friends around me and...

19:10
the life that I live, like at 47, I feel like I have, you know, I do feel like I've had such a great life that, but there's still so much life to live, you know, and that's exciting despite all the other things that go on in it. I love that. How about you? Cheers. I would say without sounding cheesy, it's that, you know, having met somebody like you and, and

19:37
I'm just so supremely grateful for meeting you and for having this podcast, because I think it is an incredible platform for us and for the people that share this space with us. So I am so, so grateful. And I'm grateful for the music of James Taylor. Oh, absolutely. I'm with you. I'll go play that while I clean up Nutella and marshmallows. That sounds great. Thanks, Jess. See you.